E.G. Sebastian - America's Peaceful Communication Messenger

Thursday, 09 March 2006

Elements of Effective Communication - Listenning Skills

"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully."
Ernest Hemingway, Writer

Learn to become a good listener and you'll be perceived as one of the greatest conversation partners in the "neighborhood."

Many of us try to learn all kinds of effective communication techniques - we buy books, sign up for courses, etc.; but only a few of us study how to be a good listener.

If you want to be perceived as a great communicator, you'll want to spend some time learning to be a good listener. Let's face it, talking comes naturally for most of us, but listening takes effort - some serious effort for quite a few of us.

Let's see - what do we know about listening?

In my quest to become a more effective communicator, I learned about 3 levels of listening:

Level 1 - is the type of listening when we are thinking of what we'll say next, while the other person is talking. While the other person is speaking, you allow your brain to wander away and you interrupt the person with a a related topic that just popped in your mind ("Oh, yes, I know what you mean, it happened to me too when I was in high school..., blah, blah, etc., etc.) or even worse, you interrupt with a totally unrelated topic.

Level 2: when the other person is speaking, you consciously direct your attention to every word the speaker utters, and when the speaker pauses, your comments or questions are 100% related to the topic.

Level 3: when the other person is speaking, you listen what is "said" beyond the words. You notice body posture, facial expression, breathing and even use your intuition to really HEAR what it is being said. A person adopting 3d level listening will at times hear a totally different message then what's being said. e.g. - a person might ramble on about how disturbing is to get the annoying telemarketing calls, etc., and someone listening at levels 1 or 2 would agree or disagree and stay more or less on the topic of annoying telemarketing calls or other annoying interruptions. The person listening at level 3 might notice a slight/heightened tension and way too much "passion" in condemning telemarketers, and might say "Yes, I agree, telemarketers can be a pain in the s, but what is really going on with you. Something is bothering you." And while the person might come back with the original story, the level 3 listener might probe further till it gets to the bottom line of the situation. (at times the speaker him/herself does not really understand why they are so upset about a trivial situation - but there is often more to it then what it is said. This listening level is mostly used by mental health professionals, counselors, and hopefully lots of good parents.

Most of us use a combination of levels 1 and 2 throughout our days, and at times even level 3 (some of us). The question is in which level do you spend most of your communication? Do people enjoy talking to you because you are a good listener? Or do people get frustrated when talking to you because you always interrupt and even drift away to unrelated topics?

Today try level 2 listening, and consciously practice it throughout the day.

Happy socializing!

POSTED BY: E.G. Sebastian AT 11:35 am | Permalink | E-mail this

Wednesday, 08 March 2006

Elements of Effective Communication - Dress for Success

Dress for success!

I admit it, I'm guilty of going against the grain on this one, yet I found that if one has everything else in place, a non-traditional look can, in certain circumstances, be overlooked.

However, with that said, I find it that today - especially in certain circles - one is judged right away by his or her initial appearance. If you are in management or are a professional, you'll be taken much more seriously even before you open your mouse if you are dressed like a professional.

Today, I'm more often then not, accused of overdressing a bit, and I do think that it is all right to always dress one notch better than it's required. This way you'll be better noticed by superiors and when a promotion comes up, your chances will be slightly higher (if your skills are also at least as good as the other candidates'). Besides, if you work with the public, we all like to deal with great looking professionals, so there you have an extra edge too.

One's attire is a message to the world. It can suggest that "I mean business - take me seriously," when dressed in a professional business-like manner; or it can say "I don't give a hoot about the world," when dressed way too relaxed (perhaps with jeans sliding down your buttocks, undone shoe laces, etc.); or somewhere in between, when someone is just dressed up to have something on, and the message probably is "I just want to do my job and survive".

Ladies, if you show too much skin... you might simply want to be elegant and "keep up with times," but some of us men WILL totally "hear" a different message. Men are very visual beings and seeing too much uncovered surface on a lady makes their minds wonder to "uncharted lands." If you want to be taken seriously and be judged based on your performance, dress conservatively and professionally. (And, yes, even dressed conservatively you can look very attractive).

One thing is sure: when I used to work for a non-profit corporation, where I always wore a suit, I was treated with great respect by everyone. Even at the post office I was greated differently. Now, on the other hand, that I'm out on my own and I often wear a more casual attire, I'm barely noticed and treated with much less respect; and, yes, even at the post office I don't get those fiery greetings anymore. I'm seriously considering getting back into my suit and tie on a daily basis - no kidding :)

Fact is, that even before you open your mouth, people create an immage about you, and you are judged based on your attire. When you are dressed appropriately, you are sending a message that you are someone to be taken seriously - a professional.

So think about it - what message do YOU send to the world with your dressing style? Are you happy with it? Or do you need to make some changes to communicate to the world that you are someone to be taken seriously?

POSTED BY: AT 11:33 am | Permalink | E-mail this

Monday, 06 March 2006

Communication is Everything

All right, all right, I agree - health is more important... and yes, peace in the world is more important too... and, yes, we can find many things that are probably more important than communication. However, with that said, when it comes to success in either personal life or on the job, there is nothing more important than good communication skills. In fact "good" communication skills are only good enough to keep one afloat. If you want to excel, you must develop "excellent" communication skills, and that can only be done through a strong commitment to personal-growth.

This morning I picked up one of my old Toastmaster Magazines and read a great article on the brilliance of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address (Oct. 2004 issue - Rewriting the Gettysburg Address, By Andrew Wilson). As I was reading the article, it became even more clear how crucial it was throughout history (and today) to be able to communicate with ease and diplomacy. Lincoln's Gettysburg Address was delivered in a time and place that was loaded with tensions.He had to deliver a message that was both uplifting and hope giving, and had to do it in a way that will not stir negativity on any sides. He had to mention that this nation was created on the premise that "all men are created equal," but had to avoid mentioning the hypocrisy of some of the founding fathers, since several of them were slave owners. He also avoided mentioning the constitution, the North or the South, and not even Gettysburg itself. Yet, he did deliver a speech that not only accomplished its purpose to uplift and give the people a feeling that this was the point from where we will write our new history; but it also went down in the history as one of the greatest speeches of all times. And all this in only272 words and four paragraphs.

Communication IS everything! Whether we look at our presidents, politicians, or get down "to earth" and look around at our managers, coworkers, spouses, friends, etc. we all perceive these individuals as successful or unsuccessful based on how well they communicate. And communication is more than the words that come out of one's mouth - in fact, communication starts even before one has a chance to open their mouth...

In the next few posts we'll look at some elements that contribute to one being perceived as a great communicator.

POSTED BY: E.G. Sebastian AT 11:28 am | Permalink | E-mail this

Wednesday, 01 March 2006

It All Starts with Understanding Yourself...

Each time I check the statistics on how people find my website, I'm always amazed to see that most hits come from "Difficult People" related searches.Why do we find people difficult? Why do some people find US difficult? More often than not, it is simply a lack of good communication skills. Yes, we can all speak; but not all of us are good at communicating.

To become a good communicator, one needs -first of all - to understand their own communication styles, challenges, biasses, etc. You need to understand why do you behave as you do, what ticks you off, what motivates you, and what are your expectations from others.

The foundation of personal and professional success lies in understanding yourself, understanding others, and realizing the impact of personal behavior on others. Do you want to better understand your communication style?

Do you want to know why you behave as you do? Sign up for the free DISC E-course available on my home page ( http://www.egsebastian.com/).

For nearly thirty years, more than 30 million people have used the DISC behavioral system to enhance their understanding of self and to improve their communication skills.At times entries in this blog will refer to to the four basic behavioral types (D, I, S, and C) or to the combinations of these behaviors.

Besides signing up for the free E-course mentioned above, a good source to view a brief description of the four styles is to view a sample DISC assessment, which contains the description of each behavioral type. To view a sample assesment, visit http://j.b5z.net/i/u/2055788/i/DISC_Classic_Sample_Report.pdf/. The description of the four styles start on page 13.

POSTED BY: E.G. Sebastian AT 11:12 am | Permalink | E-mail this