Holiday Relationships Paradigm Make-Over

It's that time of the year when we get to see again Uncle Joey and his nosy wife; and let's not forget Cousin Emma who always seems lost in her own world, but when she speaks up, her questions and comments freeze the air and create an awkward moment.

It's been said for ages that "Friends are God's gift to make it up for the weird family members he gave us.'  But with the holidays there's no escape - we'll get together and try to make the best of our loved ones, even if once in a while we feel like choking some of them.

I have a gift for you for this holiday season

What we often don't realize is that most of our family members are not weirdoes at all - well, ok, maybe some are - but what we rather face is a healthy mix of different personality styles.  Which is great - diversity is wonderful; except that when different personality style individuals get together, it is almost unavoidable not to end up in some gooey situations.

However, there is a solution. 
o What if you understood WHY each of your family members and friends behave the way they do?
o What if I could show you in less than 2O minutes on how to recognize the four main personality styles and what you can expect from them?
o What if you learned that most of your loved ones do not do things to annoy you or others around them, but they do what they do because that's how they are wired - those are the "normal" behaviors that their personality style dictates to them
o What if there was a super simple "language" that you can learn in minutes and it will ensure that you will come across as the smoothest communicator at the family gathering.?

Here is a brief description of the four personality styles and how to recognize them*:
[* - Source: Communication Skills Magic, by E.G. Sebastian www.CommunicationSkillsMagic.com]

Dominance (D) - fast paced and task oriented
Outspoken and determined, D's are dynamic, goal-oriented people who like to take charge, bring quick decisions, and want quick results
You will recognize this personality style by noticing their fast pace - both in speech and physical movement - and usually walk around with a determined look on their face.  They often are bottom line people and can be quite blunt at times

Influence (I) - fast paced and people oriented
Enthusiastic and friendly, I's are outgoing, high-energy people who like to influence others with their wit, humor, and persuasive skills
This personality style is easily recognized as they move fast, have a big smile, expressive face and eyes, are talkative and humorous, and use expressive body language (when they see you, they might raise their hands high up, or motion as if ready to give you a hug, etc.).  Wherever they are, they attempt to become the center of attention; which often is not a deliberate decision, but rather a natural expression of their personality style.

Steadiness (S) - moderate paced and people oriented
Caring and supportive, S's are calm and kind people, who are great at providing support and comfort to others, follow rules, are great listeners and great team players.
This personality style can be recognized by noticing as they move "comfortably," they seem constantly calm (even lethargic at times), might display a slight and pleasant smile most of the time, and their face almost radiates the message "I'm kind and approachable."  This style is the best listener of the four styles and are always ready to hear your stories and provide you a shoulder to cry on.

Conscientiousness (C) - moderate paced and task oriented
Cautious and detail-oriented, C's are focused and dependable people who love to work with tasks and concepts; like to plan their work and are committed to quality and accuracy in all areas.
This personality style can be recognized by their moderate pace, their intense focus as they get involved in a task, and might keep a serious facial expression even when someone approaches them to initiate a conversation with them.  They can come across a bit as distant; but give them some time to warm up and they'll be glad to talk to you (usually going into some great in-depth details on some areas of their interest)

So, Now What?

Did you recognize your personality style?  Did you recognize the personality style of some of the people who surround you?

So, first of all watch for the above signs - pace and what they are more interested in, people or tasks, in order to recognize the different styles.  Then the next step is to speak to each style in "their language."  And while some of each style's expectations might not be "pretty," if you want to get along with them - even if just for the duration of the holidays - then you better follow the tips below.

When speaking to the Dominance Style:
- Don't waste their time
- Keep your conversation short and focused on the topic at hand (usually they don't have the patience to listen to your stories - or your side of the story - anyway)
- Stay away from jokes and stories (especially at work)
- Allow them to feel in charge

When speaking to the Influence Style:
- Smile and be informal
- Use humor and share personal (or not -so personal) anecdotes
- Praise them for their accomplishments
- Listen to their stories and jokes
- Allow them to express their feelings
- Whenever possible, don't bore them with too much technicalities and details

When speaking to the Steadiness Style:
- Smile
- Exercise patience - don't rush them
- Give them a chance/time to express themselves
- Express your appreciation of their work, etc.
- Don't push them to go beyond their comfort zone (whenever possible)

When speaking to the Conscientiousness Style:
- Use short sentences and stick to the bottom line
- Stay away from jokes and stories (especially at work)
- Show your competence early in the conversation
- Don't criticize their work or their tendency for going in-depth on a topic (ask related questions instead)
- Display appreciation for detail & accuracy

There you go!  This holiday season try to notice those around you from this perspective and practice your people reading skills - try to guestimate your loved ones personality styles and try to speak "their language."  I promise you, you'll have a much more pleasant time with considerably less conflict and stress.  And once you master this skill, why not take it and apply it throughout the year, creating a more peaceful environment for you, your family, and everyone around you.

Happy Holidays!!!

....

E.G. Sebastian is America's Hottest Communication & Relationship Coach - he is a certified DiSC trainer and the author of Communication Skills Magic.
Download the first few chapters of his book at http://www.CommunicationSkillsMagic.com
To learn more about DISC, sign up for a 7-part eCourse at http://www.egSebastian.com/eCourse
Download a FREE People Reading Guide with valuable tips on how to communicate most effectively with each style, at http://www.egSebastian.com/prGuide

You can reprint this article in your eZine or newsletter as long as you append E.G.S bio.  If you do include it in your publication, we'd appreciate a notification about it sent to eg[at]egSebastian[dot]com.